Trying to be in the quiet
Monday, April 30, 2018
I miss my kids in Nepal so much sometimes that my stomach hurts. I’m also loving where I am right now. Recovering from childbirth, heating up soup, making pancakes, changing diapers, breastfeeding, laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Listening to podcasts, and stroller walks around the block. I spend an exorbitant amount of time staring at Ruby each day. Our rental home feels like paradise and life feels simple, quiet and calm... something I haven’t ever been able to indulge in.
I don’t take a second of it for granted because I know that Nepal is still there for me with all the things I love and all the things that are hard and people who need me. For the last ten years, I have spent my life rushing, working around the clock, crazy long hours, often without sleep. I am always on email or Slack or a conference call or hurrying off to a meeting and hustling for donations so we can keep running and growing. For once I am trying to be in the quiet. I have vowed that during this sacred time there will be no rushing. I’m allowing myself for a brief moment to live in a reality without hunger and desperation and poverty and without traveling on bumpy roads and airplanes, to really soak in this time with Ruby and Jeremy.
What I miss the most is the giggles of the kids and the loose teeth, the soft cheeks, countless hugs, and waking up to at least eight kids reading out loud outside my window. I miss morning coffee and breakfast with the other directors, and satsung, and chats around the fire, and teenage drama and meals around the gazebo and Friday night movie with popcorn and the blaring music on Saturday mornings with the teenagers making breakfast. I can't wait to be walking around the new land and see the progress of our new campus.
Luckily I know that it’s all still there waiting for me and that Ruby will get to grow up with the same memories and go to the beautiful school we dreamed up before we even dreamed up Ruby or the fact that she would go there. I’m taking in my last couple weeks of this California life of ours, incredibly grateful that I get to live in these two beautiful and amazing and different realities.