morning light
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 at 08:50PM 
My favorite thing about my life right now are mornings with Namraj. Watching him sleep and slowly wake up to the world, snuggling close, tying his arms around my neck, and putting his face up close to mine on the pillow is sacred to me. It's grounding and often reminds me, in the angst of the morning, how much there is to be grateful for. Today we woke early before the sun had risen and like always he curled his little body right up against my chest. Another day had arrived.
A moment later, he leaned over to whisper something in my ear soft and quietly...
"I. don't. know."
He whispered the words so slow and so hushed, it was as if he was revealing one of life's deepest secrets. I'm pretty sure he was just practicing his words, like he often does in quiet light of the morning. "Happy Birthday," he'll often say to me right as I'm waking up. "down" "Shanti" "elmo" "Mommy-ayyyyy." That's what he calls me these days, not mom, mama, or mommy. It's "oh, mommmmy-ayyy."
I don't think my two year old was trying to be deep and wise and mystical but there it was this morning, out of the blue, his first three word English sentence, "I don't know." I'll never forget it.
My mom once told me that the best piece of advice she ever got in her life, from one of her graduate professors was how it's okay to say the words "I don't know." You shouldn't be afraid to say it. If you don't know the answer, you can always find out. Not knowing the answer or the path is not a sign of weakness, she'd always tell me.
In school and in life we're often taught just the opposite; Always have an answer, always have a plan and if you don't know the answer, say something that makes it look or sound like you do. But sometimes it feels really good to surrender to not knowing all the answers. At least that's what motherhood and my life is to me a lot of the time, so much unknown territory and slowly learning and growing and trying to figure it all out.
It makes me happy to know my two year old has learned to express himself with these three little words.
Reader Comments (6)
Well, this one made my heart grow two sizes... Divine little guy.
Absolutely beautiful post and photo. I need to remember this with some of my kids at work.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful intimate moment. I feel the love you two share.
For me, not knowing is a way to remain open to the freshness of the moment. It allows me to wonder and to be with what is. And it often feels like putting down the burden of having to have an answer...
Here's to Namraj !
" Give me the boy until he is seven and I will give you the man ".
Not so easy to wait without answers, specially face to unknown. But if you become able to you'll descover a lot. Maggie your mother teached you something that is to be new before life everytime is necessary, this we can read and feel in your posts.
This particularly is so clear, lovely and wise that it deserves to be quoted in a good book of child psychology.
May the moon shine
along the Night path
of daisies defenders.
MSM
Namraj looks cute :))